Patrick VS Ed (DB)
Patrick VS Ed is the 3rd episode of RedHero14's Death Battle. It features Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants and Ed from Ed, Edd'n Eddy. Description They are the cartoon's strongest, fan-favorite, and.....dumb characters?! Which Dumbass will win this match! Interlude (Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston) *'Boomstick: Can i just ask you a simple question? have you ever had that friend who was really stupid that he didn't know what the hell he was doing?' *Wiz: We basically know. *'Boomstick: Welp! Times up you have because these two are those friends, like Patrick Star, the best friend of Spongebob Squarepants.' *Wiz: And Ed, the strongest of the Eds. *'Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick' *Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Patrick Star *Wiz: Patrick Star is an unintelligent, overweight, and pleasant pink sea star who is SpongeBob's best friend as well as one of his neighbors. *'Boomstick: Patrick is quite overweight due to his laziness as well as his enjoyment of eating ice cream, Triple Goober Berry Sunrises, Krusty Combos, and many other kinds of junk food. Damn, he sure is going to end up like the worlds fatest man some day, except he's a seastar!' *Wiz: He lives under a brown rock in the underwater city of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Squidward are his neighbors and he constantly loves to annoy Squidward, alongside with Spongebob. *'Boomstick: Haha yeah....Unlike most of the other main characters of the series, Patrick lacks a nose. Because of this, he generally cannot smell anything around him. The only time he had a nose was from that one episode, you know where Spongebob had to get rid of Patrick's nose because it was really disturbing him? yeah! that episode!' *Wiz: Patrick has trouble with even the most rudimentary tasks and displays little common sense or intelligence. His memory can be appalling and he can forget how to do the most instinctual of actions such as eating or how to fall over. He once forgot that he ate a candy bar the second after he ate it in "Life of Crime." *'Boomstick: Whoa! What! He forgot how to eat a fucking candy bar?! How stupid is he. Well anyways Patrick Star can appear almost so brilliant that it surprises the other characters, and is prone to fits of temporary intelligence, which confuses the other characters. Squidward once asked Patrick "Just how dumb are you?" to which Patrick replies, "It varies."' *Wiz: The only time Patrick has become so smart was that he fell off a cliff and Spongebob was there, his head broke off and Spongebob put the wrong one on his head making Patrick smart. He learned how to play the Claronet with Squidward, learned science from Sandy, and forgot all about the fun times he had with Spongebob. *'Boomstick: Patrick appeared to be somewhat more intelligent, often making profound comments and often being very articulate, such as when Patrick, having messed up Mr. Krab's first dollar with Spongebob, complained about the fact that his first dollar is just an ordinary dollar, and he should replace it with another ordinary dollar, tho' he forgets about it at the end and ends up buying a candy bar, much to SpongeBob's dismay.' *Wiz: Patrick seems to detect malice and sarcasm more easily than SpongeBob, indicating that he is more attentive or emotionally connected than other characters. He also displays witty banter at times and often can be sarcastic. He is generally well-intentioned but often inadvertently causes trouble, for both himself and also his friends. He got Mrs. Puff arrested and trashed the Krusty Krab, although he also ended up saving the Krusty Krab from the Dirty Bubble. *'Boomstick: Anyways! Patrick is physically strong and is capable of doing things whatsoever, He's extrememly durable as well. He lifted his own Rock, can lift an entire road, but he couldn't tear a piece of paper apart and got a paper cut, what a wuss.' *Wiz: Tearing up a Paper with ease is normally for us, but Patrick seems to be sometimes soft with this, because due to paper being in water, it can be torn up easily. *'Boomstick: Yeah, Patrick might have trouble fighting in this episode. Anyways, unlike Spongebob who can't drive, Patrick surprisenly can.' *Wiz: Patrick can drive now after completing Mrs. Puff's Boating School and got his license. *'Boomstick: Patrick's main technique is Karate-related Style. He's a seastar after all. He has very impressive moves, for example he went uncontrollable karate chopping things all around bikini bottom, and nearly destroied it after cutting off his arm and growing it back.' *Wiz: Patrick can regenerate most of his body back like Spongebob, and explained that starfish regenerate their arms back, they were both fine with it. Oh did i ever mention he can clone? *'Boomstick: Wait! He can do that? Patrick can clone himself after a certain bodypart is cut off and it will regenerate into a Patrick Clone. How do i know this?.....don't ask me! i didn't make Spongebob!' *Wiz: Patrick has something called the "Toon Force" or cartoon physics. It is similar to Reality Warping, only that is made on a funny way. It is the ability to replace or apply absurd laws of the universe. Patrick has automatic teleporting, he can make an object out of nowhere breaking newton's laws. *'Boomstick: Patrick also has good teleportation from Toon Force, wow didn't realize he could teleport.' *Wiz: Yeah we know... *'Boomstick: Patrick can also survive pretty much damn everything as well! Like the one time he and spongebob were trapped in a dome with a squirrel. He was savagely attacked by an enraged Sandy and got caught by the rope and exploded and he still lived! Damn!! Patrick is pretty tough!' *Wiz: Sandy savagely mauled him and SpongeBob for disturbing her during hibernation, and was crushed by a Gigantic Worm, and he survived. Heck he's had near death experiences so many times in a row that we cannot explain *'Boomstick: Patrick is a damn survivor overall. During the Sponge Out of Water film. Patrick became the superhero known as Mr. Superawesomeness. In this state, Patrick can mantiupate Telekinesis and can freaking use Ice Cream as a weapon!' *Wiz: Mr. Superawesomeness can use Ice Cream as a weapon, but he has to be near an ice cream shop to do this or it may not work. *'Boomstick: Also, he has even better superhuman feats in this. Damn, he's good.' *Wiz: Patrick is an raging starfish, but his only flaw is that Patrick usually shows low intelligence. *'Boomstick: Yeah, patrick isn't that smart like we said.' *Wiz: Overall, Patrick would do something right for once. Ed *Wiz: In a small neighborhood called the Cul-de-Sac where most kids from the series would live. *'Boomstick: Lived there were a 3 friends known as the Eds. A spoof of the Three Stooges.' *Wiz: They could think of plans, invent things, and then....screw up...always. *'Boomstick: But there was one ed who was the least intelligent, but was the strongest out of all the eds.' *Wiz: Yeah, w-wait is he? *'Boomstick: Ofcourse he was! the ed's name would be simply....."Ed".' *Wiz: Oh i see..Anyways Ed is one of the three protagonists in Ed, Edd n Eddy. He is the strongest and the least intelligent member of the Eds. *'Boomstick: Ed also has so many damn nicknames as well, anyways Ed is the "portable working machine" and muscle. He is known to have the lowest intelligence of the three; possibly to the point of mild mental retardation. ' *Wiz: He has a tendency to randomly shout out nonsensical words or phrases, the most common being "gravy" or "buttered toast", at any given time or occasionally as a response. Ed has great interests in comics, horror movies, chickens, gravy and buttered toast and while occasionally demonstrate his knowledge of those topics. He is a loyal friend who holds his friendship with Edd and Eddy as a top priority. *'Boomstick: Well ofcourse he's really friendly after all. How sweet.' *Wiz: Ed is kind, good-natured, and happy-go-lucky with a positive attitude towards almost everything and everyone he encounters. He is the type of person who sees everybody he meets as a potential friend. *Boomstick: Hey, he's even friendly right? right? *Wiz: Ed is also very absent-minded and naive, making him the perfect candidate for Eddy to help him with his scams, as Ed hardly ever questions them. Even so, Ed never feels abused by Eddy despite being the workhorse for almost all of Eddy's scams. *'Boomstick: So he can't take normal abuse?' *Wiz: Well he has been abused by his sister multiple times, but we all know what was going on. *'Boomstick: Oh well then...' *Wiz: Ed is a loyal fan of low-budget horror movies and comic books, but often misinterprets them as reality. He is an animal lover as well, with chickens being his favorite animals, a running gag throughout the series. Ed also enjoys certain foods, most notably buttered toast and gravy, as the unused bathtub in his bedroom is filled with the latter. Other foods that Ed likes are pudding skin and Chunky Puffs. *'Boomstick: If you guys don't know what pudding skin or chunky puffs are...Well, lets say they are spoof of Cheetos and Pudding..yeah ofcourse.' *Wiz: Some examples of what Ed doesn't like are vegetables and soap, meaning he does not lead a basic healthy life, much to the chagrin of the more hygienic Edd. Even so, he doesn't seem to suffer physically under his low maintenance life style. *'Boomstick: Although Ed is a very childlike and loving character who will easily hug, kiss, or playfully interact with other characters, the Kanker Sisters are a rare exception for him. The equally loving May Kanker is often left standing.' *Wiz: Anyways, Ed in battle can be seen pretty strong. Ed has unlimited superhuman abilities, heck he crushed eddy with his full body once *'Boomstick: Ed also seems to not take any hits too much around him. Ed can lift up buildings and throw it at his opponents, infact, he took a fall from Mars to the Earth at FTL speeds and survived! He is so strong that he could eat the full entire tall grass by himself!' *Wiz: Ed can also destroy buildings and can destroy trees by his teeth. What kind of teeth does Ed have! I mean...Oh my god! That hurts in real life! *'Boomstick: Magic Wiz, Magic.' *Wiz: Ed is also capable of using the "Toon Force" as well. Ed once glitched out the whole logic of his universe and fought monsters through his vision, in which in real life....they were only trick or treaters. *'Boomstick: Ed is also pretty freaking fast, he can freaking outrun a Bike and a car at the same time. He's probably around Eddy's speed when his full speed is in use. Heck, even the one time he outran Kevin.' *Wiz: Although, Ed is pretty slow in terms of speed, he can cranked it up heck, he even outran the other two eds. *'Boomstick: Ed is really freaking tough just so you know.' *Wiz: Anyways, seeing Ed was the strongest out of all the eds. One time Eddy ate the sun to get stronger and better than Ed and Ed is physically stronger than him. Ed can even throw things in front of him in a good range ofcourse. *'Boomstick: Ed can also loose control and become angry. In an episode, Ed was seen so angry that he mentally destoried the freaking garage! left alone in a playground, destroied Eddy and was ready to kill an innocent kid holding a wood until Double D stopped him only to find out a pebble was in his shoe this whole entire time.' *Wiz: Ed can get so angry from a few things, If a pebble gets stuck in his shoe, If he is interrupted while he is watching the Eight Hour Monster Movie Marathon", If he has watched too many monster movies in a row for too long, If he hasn't had gravy for a very long period of time, and If his eyebrow is stolen and used for blackmail at the risk of losing it. *'Boomstick: Yeah, even when he's angry, Ed is really freaking aggrssive heck he'll become so crazy in a fight that he goes non-stop. If he goes non-stop he will go into his Berserker stage, meaning he'll destroy everything around him.' *Wiz: But overall, Ed is really strong and really nice, but his flaws are being a moron, and is sometimes a coward. *'Boomstick: Even, though Ed can be a coward at times, ya got to give him the credit he deserves for the others.' *Wiz: Ed is a loyal friend who sticks by his friends as much as he possibly can. Death Battle Patrick is seen minding his own business walking in his direction in Bikini Bottom. On the other side Ed (who surprisenly can infact breath underwater) walks the other way looking around. The two continue to walk but in slow motion in a cutscene speaking in their mind Patrick: "Wait a minute....this guy looks different! Is this someone new?" Ed: "A seastar? Eddy never told me this! Wonder what this is!" Patrick and Ed walk alittle faster, but Ed barges into Patrick as Patrick almost falls but keeps his balanace. He turns to Ed and points at him. Patrick: Hey!!! Just where do you think your going! Ed stops and speaks in his mind again Ed: "Oh no...what did Eddy tell me about this! C'mon Ed do what you were told to do on your own!" Ed simply turns around and finally speaks. Ed: Hi there good folk! My name is Ed, Cheese and Macaroni! Patrick dashes infront of him and points Patrick: I don't care what you are! but Cheese and Macaroni do sound delicious, but you bumped into me! Ed: But Eddy, i didn't do it! Patrick: No.....This is Patrick!!!!! Patrick suddenly punches Ed through multiple buildings. The Fish see this and they start running. Fish: MY LEG! All the fish run away from town. Patrick is the only one there and looks around and goes into the building Ed was hit in, but Ed was nowhere to be found. Patrick: Huh?! That's odd! I thought he was here! Ed comes out of nowhere and tackles Patrick down. Patrick is thrown on the ground as the two dumb heads run at each other Announcer: FIGHT! Patrick and Ed begin to trade punches to each other for a while. Patrick knocks back Ed abit as Ed headbutts Patrick hard on the ground. Patrick bounces off the ground hitting the ground. Ed tries to drop on him, but Patrick moves out of the way. Patrick hops up and karate chop's Ed on his head. Ed feels this but doesn't feel it for too long. Patrick: Ahh!! I just realized someting! Ed: I like Gravy! Patrick: I forgot to order a Krabby Patty! Ed: NOT IF I GET THAT KRABBY PATTY FIRST! Both Ed and Patrick get back into fighting each other. Patrick punches Ed in the face. Ed punces Patrick in the stomach. Patrick trades blows with Ed for another good while until they both jump at each other in slow motion. Suddenly Ed begins to grab his throat and has difficult time breathing underwater since he's been there for a long time now. Ed slowly begins to run out fast. Patrick sees this and brings up his fist. Patrick: HEY! WHERE DO YOU JUST THINK YOUR GOING! Patrick chases after Ed, who is happening to be drowning. They run to the edge of the water as Ed makes it out breathing heavily coughing out water. Patrick sees this and is worried about his risk being out of the water. Patrick: Oh no! I wish i haven't done this! but i have to! He asked for it! Patrick steps back and dashes forward. Ed is still breathing heavily as Patrick bursts out of the water and knocks Ed down hard. The two begin to brawl each other again. Patrick knocks Ed into a city once again. Patrick dashes into the city but stops and is shocked to see Ed lift up a Skyscraper. Ed: EAT ON THIS! FOUL BEAST! Ed tosses the skyscraper at Patrick. Patrick screams and moves out of the way as it crashes into another building as a few buildings get destoried. Patrick lifts up a Truck. Patrick: Ha! Ha! Did you forget i can lift this up! Patrick dashes forward to Ed as Ed tries to run but gets slammed and smashed acouple of times by the truck and Patrick throws it away. Ed gets back up and punches Patrick in the jaw really hard in slow motion, making Patrick fall on the ground. Ed: Haha! ED IS WINNER! Patrick is knocked out cold as he speaks in his mind Patrick: "No Patrick! this can't be the end! there's no way! i have to save my body! huh? wait there's a paper! Oh! I know i'll use this!" Patrick slowly opens his eyes looking. Patrick: Superawesomeness!! Patrick gets up and transforms into his Superhero Alter-Ego Mr. Superawesomeness. Ed is surprised to see Patrick in his superhero alter-ego. Patrick begins thrusting his arms out closing them. Ed soon is lifted off the ground as he is screaming for his dear life. Patrick moves him around like an Machine Ball in the Arcade and tosses him into a building. A small piece of shrad falls into his shoe and hits the ground. Ed slowly stands up but holds his head as a loud heartbeat is hurt in the background closing his eyes being pushed too far. Soon after red energy flows around him and opens his eyes red in anger and is in his berserker mode. Ed slowly walks out and grabs 2 buildings slamming them together. Ed: BIG!!!!! TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!! Ed roars in anger and dashes at Patrick. Patrick sees this and gets scared and surprised stepping back a few times. Ed begins to dash at him at full speed roaring in rage. Patrick steps back more scared and looks seeing an Ice Cream shop next to him and looks at Ed. Ed is almost close to him only a few blocks to him in full rage. Patrick puts his fingers on his head closing his eyes. Patrick: This better work! Ed continues rushing and destroying things infront of him almost close to ed. Patrick tries harder as a hoard of Ice Cream come bursting out of the shop and opens his eyes and thrusts his arms out at Ed as all the Ice Cream charge at Ed in which Ed is caught and trapped in a huge pile of Ice Cream. Patrick dashes over and moves his arm away as all the ice cream are tossed away via. telekinesis. Ed is frozen solid as Patrick lifts up a Lamp Post and swings it at the Ice thus shattering it and Ed's frozen corpse as well and proceeds to put the lampost back to it's belonging. Patrick: Oh my gosh! I gotta eat a Krabby Patty! Patrick dashes off back to the sea. KO! Patrick dashes back into Bikini bottm as his normal self running into the Krusty Krab. Ed on the other hand sees his corpse still shattered. Results *'Boomstick: Now that's what i call Frozen!' *Wiz: Both Patrick and Ed had great strength, but only one could handle it off. *'Boomstick: Ed has low intelligence nothing said...but, his is alot lower. Patrick is abit smarter, remember what i said about his near death experiences, he's survived alot of them!' *Wiz: Patrick has fought tougher enemies. He fought against 2 gigantic wrestlers alongside Spongebob and only got the upperhand from a Butt Work-out! *'Boomstick: Holy Crap! how did we not mention that! It was "Ice" to meet you Ed!' *Wiz: The Winner is Patrick Star! Next Time *'Boomstick: Next Time on Death Battle!' ???: "People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy, and I can’t do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I’m flesh and blood; I can be ignored, I can be destroyed. But as a symbol… as a symbol I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting." ???: "If the world chooses to become my enemy....I will fight like I always have!" Dark Knight vs Dark Hedgehog...Night vs Night....Black vs Black.....Bat of Gotham vs The Ultimate Lifeform.... Batman VS Shadow Trivia *This is the first death battle to feature Cartoon Characters. Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Death battles Category:RedHero14's Death Battles Category:Cartoon themed Death Battles